I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
