i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
