I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize