hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
