your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
