soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
