dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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