Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
