I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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