but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
