...so i touched it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
