Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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