sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
