Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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