The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
