I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
