Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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