Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
