bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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