I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
