woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
