Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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