sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
