When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
