Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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