Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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