My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
