We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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