I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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