best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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