I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just gargled with NyQuil
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
