i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
