So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
