I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
