Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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