So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
