Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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