On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
