Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
