I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
