There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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