i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
