He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
