I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I didn't notice because vodka
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
