I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
