first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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