Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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