Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
