There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's just like the Real World with babies
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
