I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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