I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
