I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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