Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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