Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
