If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
