Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
