We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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