In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize