Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
