i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i think im in europe. pls send help
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
