I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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