just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
