I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
