hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
