After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
